October 09, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (2)
Top 5 "Fall" songs (As always interpret as you see fit)
1. "This Time Of Year" - Better Than Ezra (It's pretty self-explainatory - "Well, there's a feeling in the air/just like a Friday afternoon/you can go there if you want/though it fades too soon./So go on, let it be/if there's a feeling coming over me/you can feel it in the air/feel it right this time of year./Well, there's a football in the air/across a leaf-blown field/and there's your first car on the road/and the girl you'd steal...")
2. "Fall On Me" - REM (Just came to mind with the "fall" theme...and fall gets me in the mood to dig out the folky stuff, and I love the Cry Cry Cry version of Fall On Me as well.)
3. "End of The Summer" - Dar Williams (Gorgeous fall imagery in this one!)
4. "Fallin'" - Alicia Keys (Again, just came to mind because of the word "fall". Not a big Alicia Keys fan, but I do love this song.)
5. "Happy Endings" - Better Than Ezra ("Sundays were made for this/Seeing Bond give the villian a kiss..." I always picture a couple in jeans and sweaters snuggled up on the couch on a gloomy late October afternoon. This is sentimental for other reasons, too....)
and though you will say i'm wrong.
it's much easier with you along.
sundays were made for this.
seeing bond give the villain a kiss ....
holding your face in the glow
play on, play on
happy endings
i thought that you'd like to know.
i'm finally letting her go.
you always said, "tell me when
you're ready at last to begin."
learning to chance it again.
play on, play on
happy endings
so let them all dissolve
and welcome a new resolve
here's where the credits run.
riding off into the sun
and love is real
reading your eyes in the glow
play on, play on
happy endings
And on that note (no pun intended), I'm off to snuggle on the couch with my beloved just five days before our 9th anniversary. :)
September 23, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)
Top 5 "Medical" Songs (These can have anything to do with the medical profession, doctors, drugs, ailments)
September 10, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)
Sorry for the major lack of update-age. I've been in a weird funk of sorts. I'm seesawing between uber-motivated cleaning maniac and anti-social hermit, neither of which encorage me to sit here and chat/post.
I'm really struggling with a lot these days. I have so much I want to accomplish, and I'm really wrestling hard with my depression/anxiety issues. Why is it that when we get put on medication that genuinely improves our quality of life, we get the notion that several good days in a row means we don't really need it THAT much? I've gotten really inconsistent with taking my meds every day at the same time over the last week, and it's kicking my butt today. I hate feeling dependent on a pill to function, but the reality of life is that that's the way it is. A diabetic needs insulin, and there's no shame in that. Someone with high cholesterol or heart disease needs medication regularly, and that's perfectly acceptable. With the sheer volume of ads I see for "male performance enhancing drugs", apparently, that's socially acceptable now, too. But for some reason, I feel this deep sense of being controlled by a pill that helps me to overcome a debilitating condition that ruins the quality of life not just for me, but for my husband, my children, and those who depend on me when I'm in a leadership role. Taking one pill a day probably would seem like heaven to those who need to take handfuls of pills a day to manage a chronic condition. I'm pretty sure that mental illness IS a chronic condition, and I know how much being properly medicated helps. I need to be more proactive about it, and get over it. I've always hated medication. A lot of people in my life either treated doctors, and therefore, medication, as evil, and something to be feared, and I also spent a pretty dark period of my life dealing with an addict. I have a major internal loathe of drugs of all sorts. I avoid Advil like the plague and try to tough it out when I feel unwell unless absolutely necessary. That's rediculous. I need to not lose focus of the things that really matter, which is my own health, and the happiness and well-being of all six members of this family. I need my medication. There's no reason to be ashamed or embarrased to call in for my refill for *gasp* taking all 30 pills within a 30-day time frame. It's an anti-depressent...we're not talking Vicodin here. I need to get my attitude in gear and just take the darn thing every day. It's really ok. I know it is...and how sad is it that I have to write myself a pep talk in my blog over something I realistically know I should, and need, to do, and yet, I'm sitting here talking about it instead of marching upstairs and taking the dumb pill three hours early for today since I skipped yesterday?
Ugh.
September 07, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (2)
The theme for this week's Photo Friday challenge is Order. This is my recently organized pantry. It's the most orderly thing in my life these days.
September 02, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (2)
Saw this on another blog, and couldn't resist.
a) Go to musicoutfitters.com
b) Enter the year you graduated from high school in the search function and get the list of 100 most popular songs of that year
c) Bold the songs you like, strike through the ones you hate and underline your favorites. Do nothing to the ones you don't remember (or don't care about).
Top 100 of 1993
1. I Will Always Love You, Whitney Houston
2. Whoomp! (There It Is), Tag Team 3. Can't Help Falling In Love, UB40
4. That's The Way Love Goes, Janet Jackson
5. Freak, Silk
6. Weak, SWV
7. If I Ever Fall In Love, Shai
8. Dreamlover, Mariah Carey
9. Rump Shaker, Wreckx-N-Effect 10. Informer, Snow
11. Nuthin' But A "G" Thang, Dr. Dre
12. In The Still Of The Nite, Boyz II Men
13. Don't Walk Away, Jade
14. Knockin' Da Boots, H-Town
15. Lately, Jodeci 16. Dazzey Duks, Duice
17. Show Me Love, Robin S.
18. A Whole New World, Peabo Bryson and Regina Belle
19. If, Janet Jackson
20. I'm So Into You, SWV
21. Love Is, Vanessa Willlams and Brian Mcknight
22. Runaway Train, Soul Asylum
23. I'll Never Get Over You (Getting Over Me), Expose
24. Ditty, Paperboy 25. Rhythm Is A Dancer, Snap
26. The River Of Dreams, Billy Joel
27. I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles), Proclaimers
28. Two Princes, Spin Doctors
29. Right Here (Human Nature)-Downtown, SWV
30. I Have Nothing, Whitney Houston
31. Mr. Wendal, Arrested Development
32. Have I Told You Lately, Rod Stewart
33. Saving Forever For You, Shanice 34. Ordinary World, Duran Duran
35. If I Had No Loot, Tony! Toni! Tone! 36. I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That), Meat Loaf
37. Slam, Onyx
38. Looking Through Patient Eyes, P.M. Dawn
39. I'm Every Woman, Whitney Houston
40. Baby I'm Yours, Shai
41. Come Undone, Duran Duran
42. I Don't Wanna Fight, Tina Turner
43. I'd Die Without You, P.M. Dawn
44. Whoot, There It Is, 95 South 45. Hip Hop Hooray, Naughty By Nature
46. Another Sad Love Song, Toni Braxton
47. Will You Be There, Michael Jackson
48. Comforter, Shil
49. Good Enough, Bobby Brown 50. What's Up, 4 Non Blondes 51. All That She Wants, Ace Of Base
52. 7, Prince and The New Power Generation
53. Dre Day, Dr. Dre
54. One Last Cry, Brian McKnight
55. Just Kickin' It, Xscape
56. I Get Around, 2Pac
57. Bed Of Roses, Bon Jovi
58. Real Love, Mary J. Blige
59. Here We Go Again!, Portrait
60. Cryin', Aerosmith
61. Cats In The Cradle, Ugly Kid Joe
62. What About Your Friends, TLC
63. I Got A Man, Positive K
64. Hey Mr. D.J., Zhane 65. Insane In The Brain, Cypress Hill
66. Deeper And Deeper, Madonna
67. Rain, Madonna
68. The Right Kind Of Love, Jeremy Jordan 69. Bad Boys, Inner Circle
70. That's What Love Can Do, Boy Krazy
71. Do You Believe In Us, Jon Secada
72. Angel, Jon Secada
73. Forever In Love, Kenny G
74. Again, Janet Jackson
75. Boom! Shake The Room, DJ Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince
76. When She Cries, Restless Heart 77. Sweat (A La La La La Long), Inner Circle
78. It Was A Good Day, Ice Cube
79. More And More, Captain Hollywood Project
80. How Do You Talk To An Angel, Heights
81. Rebirth Of Slick (Cool Like Dat), Digable Planets
82. What Is Love, Haddaway
83. To Love Somebody, Michael Bolton
84. Give It Up, Turn It Loose, En Vogue
85. Alright, Kris Kross
86. Check Yo Self, Ice Cube
87. Fields Of Gold, Sting
88. Ooh Child, Dino 89. Faithful w/ Go West
90. Reason To Believe, Rod Stewart
91. Break It Down Again, Tears For Fears
92. Nothin' My Love Can't Fix, Joey Lawrence 93. Three Little Pigs, Green Jelly
94. Livin' On The Edge, Aerosmith
95. Hey Jealousy, Gin Blossoms
96. If I Ever Lose My Faith In You, Sting
97. Anniversary, Tony! Toni! Tone!
98. One Woman, Jade
99. Can't Get Enough Of Your Love, Taylor Dayne
100. Two Steps Behind, Def Leppard
Now ask me how many of those songs I had to wrack my brain to even remember, and how many I remember Tony torturing me with...I could have lived the rest of my life quite happily never remembering "Informer". *LOL* However, my deep love of Sting began around that time, too, and "Fields of Gold" will always be one of my all-time personal favorite love songs. :)
September 02, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)
Allergy season is here. I have a runny nose. Ewwww. I could live with being all plugged up and snotty, but I absolutely cannot stand the sensation of a runny nose. My throat's sore, too, probably from the lovely post-nasal drip. Blech.
And yet, it seems terribly trivial to be griping about an allergy attack after watching the news and hearing about all the devastation and loss in the face of Hurricane Katrina. It's just so hard to believe that the city I've dreamed of seeing my whole life is GONE. Just unreal. It's hard to believe that it's all happening HERE, too...not some far-removed distant land, but a measly 12 hours south of here. I just can't wrap my head around it. It's been really hard to comprehend. I've been mourning the loss of "my city" since I heard the hurricane was headed for NOLA on Sunday. I just feel so helpless because there's so little I can do for all those people while I sit here in my nice air-conditioned house and use my computer and eat my food. I just wish there was a way to make it all better, and I know the only thing I can really do is pray. Please keep everyone affected by the hurricane in your prayers - every little bit helps.
August 30, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)
Holy cow - I've been a cleaning fool today!! Here's what got accomplished today:
Whew...I'm tired. But accomplished. And the caramel apple I just ate was more than a just reward. Caramel apples make me happy. But I'm so glad they're only available for a few short months and then gone, because I could eat one every day and not get sick of them, but then they wouldn't be such a special treat. Sometimes, rare is good. :)
August 27, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)
I've offered Crop Paper Scissors nights since I started being a demonstrator for Stampin' Up in February, but I've never had any takers before. Dina from playgroup called this afternoon, and asked if I had room for her and Sher to come over tonight and crop. I absolutely said yes, and they came over about 6:45, kid-free with the exception of baby Amelia, and we cropped for four hours! I got five cards done and THREE...count 'em, THREE layouts done!! That's the most I've scrapped in months. They're pretty simple, pared-down layouts, but I'm really pleased with the way they turned out.
I have a pounding headache now, though. I think I might be due for new glasses again soon. Seems like every time I get going on any sort of detail work lately, I end up with a headache.
August 27, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)
Isn't it funny how we percieve ourselves and others? I gripe all the time about having no friends, feeling lonely, wishing I had girlfriends to dish with and chat over coffee to. Turns out, a lot of people I considered casual friends feel the same way, and I always just assumed that they were busy with other people and not feeling lonely, too.
Tony ran into my best friend from way back when at work today. She lived across the street for years...we knew each other from the time we were six all the way through high school, and then we drifted and lost touch. She gave him her home and cell numbers, said she'd like to get together sometime. I'd LOVE do to that...Will I pick up the phone and call? I don't know. I'm always so afraid of what others probably think of me that I limit myself and don't always do the things I'd love to do for fear that people are just being polite.
I'm part of several great online communities. I read the blogs of the friends I have from those sites. Do I comment? Do I share? Not often. I really wonder why I don't.
There was an article someone shared on the 2Peas NSBR board about grief, and how people don't like to stick their neck out because they don't want to get INTO someone else's pain...because that's painful. It was talking about death and grieving, but it's a very apt description of human nature and reaching out emotionally. It's long, but here you go...
Who Gets in Your Bucket?
By Doug Manning
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
The best way I know to picture how we receive help from others in grief, is to imagine you are holding a bucket. The size and color doesn't matter. The bucket represents the feelings bottled up inside of you when you are in pain. If you have suffered a loss, hold the bucket and think through how you feel right now. If you are reading this to learn more about helping others, then imagine what would be in your bucket if a loved one had died very recently. What is in your bucket?
Fear. Will I survive? What will happen to me now? Who will care for me? Who will be with me when I need someone near? Most likely your bucket is almost full just from the fear. But there is also:
Pain. It is amazing how much physical pain there is in grief. Your chest hurts, and you can't breathe. Sometimes the pain is so intense your body refuses to even move. There is enough pain to fill the bucket all by itself.
Sorrow. There is devastating sadness; overwhelming sorrow. A gaping hole has been bitten out of your heart and it bleeds inside your very soul. You cry buckets of tears and then cry some more.
Loneliness. There is no lonely like that felt when you are in a room full of people and totally alone at the same time. Loneliness alone can fill any bucket ever made.
I could go on, but that's enough to get the idea across, and hopefully get you started thinking through your own list. What is in your bucket?
Now picture someone like me approaching you and your bucket. I also have a bucket. My bucket is full of explanations. I am armed and ready to explain why your loved one had to die, how they are now better off and how you should feel.
I am also well equipped with new ways to look at your loss. In politics they call that "spin doctoring," but most human beings seem to know this skill by instinct.
I have almost a bucketful of comforting words and encouraging sayings. I can also quote vast amounts of scriptures. I seem to favor the ones that tell you not to grieve.
So we face each other armed with full buckets. The problem is, I don't want to get into your bucket. Yours is scary. If I get in there, you might start crying and I may not be able to make you stop. You might ask me something I could not answer. There is too much intimacy in your bucket. I want to stand at a safe distance and pour what is in my bucket into yours. I want the things in my bucket to wash over your pain like some magic salve to take away your pain and dry your tears. I have this vision of my words being like cool water to a dry tongue. Soothing and curing as it flows.
But your bucket is full. There is no room for anything that is in my bucket. Your needs are calling so loudly there is no way you could hear anything I say. Your pain is far too intense to be cooled by any verbal salve, no matter how profound.
The only way I can help you is to get into your bucket, to try to feel your pain, to accept your feelings as they are and make every effort to understand. I cannot really know how you feel. I cannot actually understand your pain or how your mind is working under the stress, but I can stand with you through the journey. I can allow you to feel what you feel and learn to be comfortable doing so. That is called, "Getting into your bucket."
I was speaking on guilt and anger in grief to a conference of grieving parents. I asked the group what they felt guilty about. I will never forget one mother who said, "All the way to the hospital, my son begged me to turn back. He did not want the transplant. He was afraid. I would not turn back, and he died."
I asked her how many times someone had told her that her son would have died anyway. She said, "Hundreds." When I asked her if that had helped her in any way she said, "No."
I asked her how many times she had been told that she was acting out of love and doing the right thing, she gave the same two responses. Many times and, no, it did not help."
I asked her how many times she had been told that God had taken her son for some reason, and she gave the same responses- "many" and "no help."
I asked how many times someone had told her that it had been four years since her son's death and that it was time to "Put that behind you and get on with your life."
This time she responded with great anger that she had heard that from many wellmeaning people, including family members, and that it not only did not help, it added to her pain and made her angry.
What I was really asking her is, "How many people have tried to pour their buckets into yours?"
I then said, "Would it help if I hugged you and said `that must really hurt'?"
She said, "That would help a great deal. That would really help."
Why would that help? Because I was offering to get into her bucket with her and to be in her pain, instead of trying salve over her pain with words and explanations.
If you are in pain, find someone who will get into your bucket. Most of the time these folks are found in grief groups or among friends who have been there. It is not normal procedure. It is hard to swallow our fears and climb into your bucket.
If you are reading this to find ways to help others in grief, then lay aside your explanations and your words of comfort. Forget all of the instructions and directions you think will help and learn to say, "That must really hurt." I think that is the most healing combination of words in the English language. They really mean, "May I feel along with you as you walk through your pain?" "May I get into your bucket?"
Healing happens in their(our) buckets.
I'm wondering if that's what's wrong with me. I don't want to get into anyone's bucket, and I really don't want to even let anyone TRY to get into mine. But when it's all said and done, we're all cut from the same cloth, so we may as well get washed and wrung out together. It's a hell of a lot better than being alone.
August 25, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (2)
